This week, Marty and I decided to binge watch a few movies which included gorgeous scenes of breathtaking gardens, with of course, flawless actors who frolicked in those gardens without a drop of sweat or speck of dirt on them. While they were fun to watch, we both laughed at how unreal Hollywood usually portrays gardeners (most often, women), and how garden scenes in movies generally come straight out of a Jane Austen novel.
Now, I suppose there is nothing wrong with this. Who doesn’t want to escape into an expansive secret garden for tea and crumpets? But it got me thinking about the reality of gardening, and more specifically, about real life gardeners. This, in turn, provided inspiration for the next two posts.
Therefore, this is the first post of a two-part series. Here is where I will share the dirty reality of what being a real-life, female, nature-loving, down-to-earth, laid-back gardener is like.
Now, I don’t know if I can honestly define what those terms mean in any quantifiable way or even if I should extend these sweeping generalizations to other gardeners. However, I am real, I am a female, I love nature, I am a gardener and a gardenester (for those new to this term, please refer to my last post), and I like to think I am usually quite laid-back – characteristics I find common to most other gardeners. Therefore, please allow me to generalize away.
With that being said, here are a few general (and cheeky) fact checks from a non-Hollywood, non-glamorized female gardener:
- It takes more than one season to create a mature masterpiece garden. Often, this takes several years, if not a lifetime. And even then, one is at the mercy of the weather, voracious deer, and nibbling rabbits. Some years, our garden is humming along just fine; in others, our verdant masterpiece resembles an artwork by Picasso on meth.
- Gardening may be a labor of love, but it does require labor. Rarely have I ever achieved a healthy, lush garden without putting in some degree of physical work. The key is to know your mental and physical limitations, what your budget is, and garden accordingly. Gardening does require some sweat, perhaps a bit of blood (from blisters), and maybe even a few tears (happy ones when you see your first spring bloom, and sad ones when your favorite tree dies).
Hollywood has a stereotypical image for what a female gardener looks like (think Meryl Streep or Keira Knightley). They are almost always spotless, perfectly coiffed, and usually wear a stylish sun hat (Note of Exception: in the awesome movie, A Little Chaos, Kate Winslet’s character did get down and dirty. But more about that in the next post). Needless to say, I have NEVER come close to resembling either Meryl Streep, Keira Knightley, or ANY of the other female stars who are supposed to be gardeners in movies.
Look familiar?
Well, this is what I look like pretty much every day I am in the garden:
But to be perfectly honest, let me share more.
- When I am gardening, I don’t wear make-up. I do however use sunscreen and lip balm, because with my naturally light blonde hair and super fair skin, I make Daenerys Targaryen in Game of Thrones look tanned. In fact, I am so pale, you would probably lose me in a snowstorm.
- I definitely do not dress to impress when I’m working in the garden. The sad reality is that my garden attire more closely
resembles a boho/destitute/WTF is she wearing mix of clothing. Seriously. I am all about comfort and practicality. Of course, I am never without my runners or boots, my go-to green garden apron (with pockets of course) and my lightweight stretch visor – which helps to keep the sun off my face and the sweat out of my eyes.
- BRAS ARE EVIL AND THEY WERE PROBABLY CREATED BY SATAN. I understand that some women feel better with the support a bra provides, but I am not one of them. I have tried virtually every make and style, but each one was uncomfortable, restricting, and made the girls sweat more than they would in a steam sauna on the surface of the sun. So, when I am working in the garden, my girls fly happy and free with all the support and cover they need from my garden apron and “garden chic” attire.
And speaking of sweating,
- I wear fragrance free deodorant, so I don’t attract bees and bugs. However, within a few hours of toiling away in the sun, I’m sure I smell like yesterday’s dinner. But thankfully, Marty is also often in the garden with me, so we can both smell like garbage together. Marty and I are also blessed to have clean, running water – so frequent showers are important to us. So is having friends.
And finally, the truth about Hollywood fantasy romances and sex in the garden:
- Marty and I have shared a kiss or two amidst the roses and lilacs, but the thought of being arrested for public indecency is not high on our list – and it probably isn’t high on the lists of most other gardeners as well. Hollywood’s affinity for creating those epic romance garden scenes between perfectly coiffed actors who are not dirty, smelly, and sweaty, is of course the stuff of fantasy and escapism we all love.
And that’s just fine with me. Isn’t fantasy and escapism part of why we gardeners love gardening so much? We may sweat, and smell, and wear funny clothes, but being in our gardens allows us to escape the glare of civilization, the harsh realities of everyday life, and gives us the opportunity to grow food, flowers, and create our personal fantasy worlds and secret romantic gardens we all need and desire.
They also provide another place where wearing a bra is optional.
Next week in part two of this post, I’ll share my list of ten of my favorite garden-influenced movies.
Stay safe and happy gardening.
